Ladies help me out.......

I had my heart transplant back in August of 2010, had a few probablems, but everything turned out fine. But thats not really why I'm writing this. I've been single for quite a while now primarly because of my heart condition. Now that I know that I have a second chance at life, I'm looking forward and toward a lady to complete my life with. I have tried most dating sites like Yahoo, POF, Singles, Match.Com. I'm very honest when I fill out the information on the personal data and tell them about my heart transplant. Apparently when they read this it scares them off. Or if they don't read my profile and we go on a date and we talk and its brought up, it turns out to be the last date.

I'm not a bad looking guy so I know its not that. I just can't figure how women can be that shallow or am I dating the wrong women. Please ladies or somebody, I need some suggestions...........

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Permalink Reply by Rita on December 31, 2011 at 11:25am

Hi Mel, I have been married for many many years so I am not up on the current dating appropriateness. However, I think dating in the beginning is just getting to know someone. If you tell them all your 'stuff' right away it tends to scare them off. You want to share you slowly over a few dates. I would change my profile say who you are and let the rest come up when you meet them. Not everyone is familiar with health/transplants and it is natural to ask question and process the information. I also think if you join things or clubs then the ladies get to know you for you and then it is less impersonal. A few friends in my life have met the loves of their lives by joining clubs. I do think honesty is the corner stone of a good relationship, but you don't have to put it all out there the first second you meet someone and online kind of does that. It is a bit overwhelming when you see it in print. Also I am not sure if you belong to our sister site transplantbuddies.org but this discussion has been posted there by others who are looking into dating too, you might want to look there too and post.http://www.transplantbuddies.org/tbx/messages/3/527838.html?1323794281 there are others posts too, under search type in dating. Wishing you the best and Happy New Year.

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Permalink Reply by Mel on December 31, 2011 at 12:08pm

Thanks Rita for your advice and input, didn't know about the sister site, I'll make sure and check it out. Do want mention one thing though, I did try not mentioning the transplant up front at first. And after a couple of months dating when I thought things were going great she noticed all my meds in drawer in my bedroom and asked me if I took all these. I told her yes and that I had a heart transplant and she got really upset saying don't you think I should know this and I tried explaining. Well bottom line we're not together anymore, so thats when I decided to be up front and honest.

But Thank You again and you Have a Happy New Year also

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Permalink Reply by Rita on December 31, 2011 at 1:11pm

I am so sorry that she did that, sounds like it was her loss because you sound like a really nice person. Please I have not dated in some time, so what do I know, all I know is I speak from my heart. My advice is just advice you can do what you wish with it. Wishing you the best.

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Permalink Reply by Mel on December 31, 2011 at 1:16pm

I understand that, and again I Thank You for taking your time and for giving your advice, I appreciate it.

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Permalink Reply by DebbieK on January 4, 2012 at 3:54pm

Mel,

I know where you are coming from. I have put myself on a few dating sites and am afraid to go out with anyone as I feel it would be a waste of time when they find out my health condition (dbl lung tx). Plus being a woman and I had complications which left me with an incision scar(they did the heart incision instead of the clamshell) and eight tube scars of which four are still pretty gruesome so far. It seems like if you tell someone you are darned if you do and darned if you don't. Guess we just have to look a little harder to find the right one.

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Permalink Reply by Mel on January 4, 2012 at 4:43pm

Debbie,

Thanks for your comment and you are so very very right. I mention heart transplant and I feel like I just got chicken pox...lol Sorry to hear about your scar's, hopefully in time as they heal maybe they'll get better. My scar's turned out not so bad, just the main scar and the two tube hole scar's. I don't understand peoples mentality sometimes, we're all going to die, its just a matter of when. But as you said and I agree we just have to look a little harder to find the right one....

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Permalink Reply by Hostess Rise' on January 20, 2012 at 1:27pm

Hi Mel

Do you need to disclose your health condition on your profile? Couldn't you decide when the appropriate time would be to share this info with a potential mate?

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Permalink Reply by Mel on January 20, 2012 at 2:37pm

I don't have too, but I believe in being honest and truthful about something like that. I have tried not putting it on my profile and have been told, it would have been nice if I would have known before " Quote n Quote". So its a Damn if I do and a Damn if I don't scenario. Now I know why they give us anti- depressents......lol

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Permalink Reply by Hostess Rise' on January 26, 2012 at 7:58pm

Hi Mel

May I ask who was the person that said it would have been nice to have this info on your profile?

Some people cannot handle illness while others have no trouble with it. Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch if you know what I mean. Love conquers all and when you find the right person they will embrace you for all the good and that includes illness too.